Emotional Games
Are you still playing the junior version?
Written by: Stephanie Rybinski
Ok, sometimes I’m lousy. I can act short-tempered, rude, harsh, and even straight-up bitchy. Sometimes, my emotions hit so hard and so big that my rational brain loses all capacity to control the beast. It’s like the gates are opened at the running of the bulls and anyone within range is in danger.
I used to live like that all the time. Heck, I don’t even know if there were gates back then, just straight-up wild emotions…with horns.
So I tried to stuff those big, ugly feelings and pretend that they weren’t there. You see, I was too holy for such unflattering feelings and actions.
The result?
You guessed it. Bodies trampled, crowds screaming, bloodshed. Well, that might be overly dramatic but it wasn’t pretty. Thank God people keep growing, that I am a work in progress, and there are tools for this stuff!
I have come to learn that emotions WILL find a way out. They WILL be expressed and I can choose to express them verbally or physically. Here’s what I mean.
If I say how I feel, by stating an emotion (not a thought in disguise – see TIP PAGE), I am less likely to act the way I feel.
Let me repeat that. When I say my feeling out loud, I’m less likely to act out my feeling.
I think of it like it I’m learning a new game. The Junior version was a cross between Charades and Taboo. It went like this:
I’ve been handed a cue card with an emotion on it. The emotion is “F*&!n frustrated”. I immediately start acting it out and my team is to guess it. So I stiffen my back, put a nasty look on my face, slam a few cupboards, and stomp around like I’m really busy… and don’t forget the huffing and muttering under my breath. Here’s where I might add a little of the Taboo game and include a few spicy words with a lot of tone. And of course, all words BUT the one on my card. Remember, I’m trying to have you guess it.
This is dysfunctional. This is unhelpful and frankly, these are not mature skills.
Toddlers can play the Charades – Taboo game because they don’t have emotional awareness and the verbal skills to do anything else. In fact, at that age, it is appropriate for adults to play along and guess the emotion. They cry and flail their arms and we guess if they are tired, sad or hungry.
But as we mature, we are to move up from the Junior edition to the Adult version that goes more like this:
Do you remember those 3D posters? If not, think of a blurry image, pixelated and digitized with an image hidden inside. You are handed a card with one of these images on it. It’s complex and you might not be able to see it right away. Stop and study it. Stare at it until you see it. It’s a word, an emotion. Not a thought. An emotion. Once you have made out the word you must now read it out loud to your team. Say, “I feel (insert emotion you identified on the card).”
For bonus points, do no charades while studying the card. You can even tell your teammates that you need a moment because you are studying something, trying to find the emotion at play.
Friends, this is emotional awareness. In the adult game of life, we need the adult version of emotional awareness. Now there is no need for charades – acting OR guessing! Now we have the privilege and responsibility to study, identify and state our emotions.
If you are ready to advance to the adult version of the emotion game, then give these tools a try and join our community at www.TheClarityAdvantage.com to learn more.