Written by: Stephanie Rybinski
If you are committed to self-awareness and direct communication, then mastering this new skill is a must!
I hear it all the time, people disguising their thoughts as feelings. It’s as absurd as if I picked you up at the bus depot and I asked you about your plane ride. It’s incorrect. I’ve misunderstood and naturally, you would correct me and say “I took the bus not a plane”.
However, saying for example ‘I feel like this is unfair” (which is a thought, not a feeling) goes unchallenged. And it is an error that keeps people stunted!
Yup! That’s what I said. Stunted.
Learning the difference between a thought and feeling will grow your self-awareness, improve your relationship skills and make you a better communicator.
So, let’s help you do that shall we?
Step 1: You will need to learn some new words – emotions.
Most people know mad, sad, and glad, or some variation of that. To grow, your vocabulary will need to grow. I like using an emotion wheel to help me identify emotions (which you can google). Over the years I’ve expanded my working knowledge of emotions and still find myself returning to this tool when I’m really stumped.
Here are a few emotions to just wet your whistle:
- appreciated
- respected
- rejected
- insecure
- overwhelmed
- unloved
- disrespected
Get comfortable using new words.
Step 2: Use this sentence:
“I feel (insert emotion)”.
Don’t use “You make me feel (emotion)” because that’s not true. No one can force you to feel an emotion.
Step 3: Remember this tip!
If the words “like”, “that”, or “as though” are used in the sentence from step 1 then what you are about to describe is a thought, not an emotion.
Let me show you.
INCORRECT STATEMENT:
“I feel like you are being unreasonable.” – This is a thought, not a feeling.
ACCURATE STATEMENTS:
THOUGHT: I think you are being unreasonable.
FEELING: I feel frustrated.
Do you see the difference?
Let the words “like”, “that” and “as though” act as little red flags that remind you not to disguise your thoughts as feelings.
You can grow in your own awareness and strive for direct (and accurate) communication by practicing these steps.
If you want to learn more skills like this, then join our community on Facebook and check out the:
www.TheClarityAdvantage.com.